Listening to: She is by the Frey
Reading: Execuative Orders by Tom Clancy
Drinking: Mountain Dew
Disaster may strike at the human heart but will never reach the human soul and never break the human spirit. All that life is only matters to those who hold it dearly and uphold its sanctity. Always remember through tough and impossible times we are there for you and felt as you feel now just under different circumstances.
Throughout life everyone has their hardships as both you and I are going through. These bumps in the road are called life experiences that effects us all differently. These experiences are unwanted most of the time but are a necessary evil. They shape who we are and guide our decisions. It shapes the people we know and love. This might sound silly but it is only the truth.
The meaning of life as we know it is to work for others an no one escapes this. Even the entrepreneur down the road works for companies that sell him his product. Those companies work for the government by setting the economy and the high taxes that they pay. Then the government works for its head, be it Prime Minister, President or the king and Queen. Then in turn they work for the people. The cycle never ends.
The meaning of life should not be to work for others but solely for yourself and for your own happiness. To strive to be the best you can be without being brought down by the negativity of others. To love and find true love.
I realize this comes as no shock to you but how many of the populace have forgotten to have fun, to appreciate what life has to offer and to appreciate one another? It is sickening to myself and maybe others that even I have forgotten the simple pleasures only to be swept away by this society. To never be happy no matter how hard you try.
Just take a look around, how many happy people do you see? Maybe one or two who are genuinely happy. Now look deep down and see if you are truly happy and answer yourself honestly! Now ask yourself what it would take for you to be truly happy. It shouldn't take much, a change in lifestyle, a better job, to travel the world and experience its awe and wonder? Look past that my dear friend and find yourself. If you don't then you will never be truly happy.
"But I have already found myself." you will say. My reply will always be "then why are you not happy?" A question that will be asked after I am gone and my bones turned to dust. Happiness is not just a state of mind but its part of who you are.
I have been diagnosed with depression, with that times are hard for me. Little things that no one notices I do. I take those little things to heart and dissect them. This is part of me, it is part of who I am and always will be. If you can't handle that then I can not have you part of my life.
This illness will not and can not control my life. I will continue to do what I need to to survive and be happy. It will also never excuse me from hurting anyone mentally or physically. I do not want nor do I need sympathy from those who do not know me or what I am going through. I don't want any sympathy at all, I am stronger then that.
I also have a confession to make, I was going to be selfish and do the unthinkable to most. I was going to take my own life with the prescriptions that were meant to help me. This will come as a shock and surprise to a lot of people as the face I put on in public always seems to be happy. But the truth is I have lost myself.
Through all of this I was sent an Angel. Someone that saved my life on the night I was going to end all of my pain and suffering. Through their selfless act of asking me what was wrong they not only saved my life but saved my family and friends from the pain I would have caused them. To this Angel I will be indebted to for the rest of my life and will be externally grateful. Thank you.
I also want to thank everyone else that has been there for me just to vent to or that has helped me try to forget all my problems. These people are true friends either new or old. I will never forget what you have done for me and you will always have a special place in my heart, never to be removed.
To all the people out there reading this, it is meant for no one and it is meant for someone. Those I have specifically mentioned will know and understand and this will mean more to them as an explanation. I know how you feel and I can guarantee that things will get better with time. It might feel hopeless but it is an experience that will mold and shape you for hte rest of your life.
I am here for you and whenever you need me I am here waiting for you. These words are meaningless unless you take something from them and if not I am truly sorry. Its not to say that things will ever be easy but it is more to say, "I know" and "You are not alone."
Remember that I love you and remember that there are people willing to help you through tough times. Some of the most compassionate people out in the world today are closer than you think. You just need to recagnize them for what they are and never let them slip away.